1985 edition of Paris-Roubaix.

American reporter John Tesh caught up with Panasonic’s Theo de Rooy after the race and asked him about his day in the saddle.

"It's a bollocks, this race!” said de Rooy. “You're working like an animal, you don't have time to piss, you wet your pants. You're riding in mud like this, you're slipping ... it’s a pile of shit.”

By the way, after laughing and regaining his composure, Tesh had the good sense to ask a follow-up.

"Will you ever ride it again?" he asked the mud-covered Dutchman.

"Sure, it's the most beautiful race in the world!" said de Rooy without a second’s hesitation.

 

Cyclists are the biggest sand-baggers and secret trainers known to man.  They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill.  Don't let this happen to you!  Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:


"I'm out of shape"
Translation:  I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration.  I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts.  My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation:  I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering like a spanked puppy.  I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic.  I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation:  I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using composites blessed by the Pope.  I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared.  It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign.  Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward.  You have a 39x23 low gear?  Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation:  I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport.

"The Freaks shall inherit the earth"

Go Team!

I went up to Sacramento to ride with Bauman, to talk tactics, and go ten bloody rounds with Chris.  He is in really good shape and we took turns killing it out to Folsom Lake (about 85 mi.), after 60 mi Chris had a surprise for me when our new teammate Colin picked us up for the bike trail/race track back to town.  They squeezed every ounce of glycogen out of these old legs and sent me home wimpering.  Five hours and a half dozen burritos burned.  Today I did five more with the local idjits ( climbing @350w).  I think I'm done now. Looking foward to a crit in Sac and the 100-mile road race in Chico.  Why don't you all load up a couple rigs and come on down to sunny Chico for your first 100 miler. It will be a blast.  Bauman can win this and we'll take that trophy back to the brew pub where it belongs.  

Later, Shaun Locker